rcasa

Archive for August, 2010|Monthly archive page

RCASa’s Tuesday Affirmation: Panic

In Education on August 31, 2010 at 8:00 am

Don’t panic!

If panic strikes, we do not have to allow it to control our behaviors. Behaviors controlled by panic tend to be self-defeating. No matter what the situation or circumstance, panic is usually not a good foundation. No matter what the situation or circumstance, we usually have at least a moment to breathe deeply and restore our serenity and peace.

We don’t have to do more than we can reasonably do- ever! We don’t have to do something we absolutely cannot do or cannot learn to do.

This healthy way of life we are seeking, is built on a foundation of peace and quiet confidence- in ourselves, in our Higher Power, in the recovery process.

Do not panic. That takes us away from the path. Relax. Breathe deeply. Let peace flow through our body and mind. From this base, our Source shall supply the necessary resources.

Caricias y/o toques inapropiados

In Education, Hispanic/Latino, Outreach, Prevention, Sexual Assault Awareness on August 30, 2010 at 9:05 am

Una de mis responsabilidades aquí en RCASA es de escribir diferentes artículos en español para que nuestra gran comunidad Latina este enterada de los servicios que proveemos.  Y teniendo en cuenta que Septiembre aparte de ser el mes de la Hispanidad, generalmente, es también considerado el mes de regreso a la escuela – El mes de la seguridad personal de nuestros hijos.

No importa la edad que ellos tengan, siempre deben llevar en mente el de mantenerse seguros, a salvo de cualquier situación que impacte negativamente su estado mental y físico.

Muchísimas organizaciones a través de nivel nacional normalmente editan y diseminan esta información, pero muchas veces la encontramos en Inglés, como la siguiente reproducida, modificada y traducida del artículo: “Good Touch, Bad Touch, Secret Touch: Your body belongs to you”, que en español se traduciría: “Contacto Físico Apropiado, Contacto Físico Indebido, Contacto Físico en Secreto: Tu cuerpo te pertenece”, publicada por el hospital de niños de la Universidad de Iowa – University of Iowa Children’s Hospital – Child Protection Program

La version en Inglés, la pueden encontrar en: http://www.uihealthcare.com/topics/medicaldepartments/pediatrics/goodtouch/index.html, un artículo que describe la diferencia de un contacto físico hacia un niño apropiado y un contacto físico indebido o sin decoro.

 Contacto Físico Apropiado  Contacto Físico Indebido
 

Es el contacto físico que viene de la gente que el niño(a) ama, como los padres, los abuelos, los tíos, la gente cercana a ellos, en la forma de un beso y un abrazo honesto, limpio y con decoro.  Por ejemplo: un beso y un abrazo a la hora de irse a dormir, al despertarse, cuando los abuelos o los tíos vienen de visita.

Estas son caricias que normalmente son bienvenidas por el niño(a), haciéndolo sentir bien, el niño(a) se siente amado(a).

 

Este es el tipo de contacto físico que el niño o niña no debe guardar en secreto y debe decirle a sus padres, abuelos o a la persona adulta que no le hace daño. 

Una caricia es indebida, si alguien a través de engaños o de promesas falsas, coacción o amenaza obliga a un niño(a) a que se deje acariciar o tocar partes privadas de su cuerpo.  O le obliga a acariciar o tocar indebidamente a alguien.

Estas caricia o toques indebidos afectan negativamente a los niños(as), haciéndolos sentir mal, culpables, los perjudica, los hiere, los hace sentir inseguros de si mismos, incómodos, nerviosos, y los vuelve temerosos.

 

 

Lo que se le debe enfatizar a la víctima es que no se debe sentir mal en ningún momento.  No se debe sentir como una mala persona, porque no lo es.  Nadie debe tocar o acariciar a nadie si esta acción, no es apropiada y bienvenida.

Desafortunadamente, algunas personas se aprovechan de su tamaño, de su edad o de diferentes circumstancias para persuadir a los más jóvenes a hacer cosas indebidas.  Los niños que son abusados no se deben sentir culpable y no deben permitir que nadie los culpe.

Si alguien acaricia o toca inapropiadamante a un niño(a) de la forma que lo incomode, el niño o niña inmediatamente debe decir no, informarle a esta persona que no le gusta este tipo de cariño y no desea que lo/la toquen.

Debe encontrar una salida pronto, nunca quedarse solo con esa persona.

Debe solicitar ayuda, grite si es necesario.

Enseñe al niño(a) a confiar en si mismo, el no a cometido nada malo como para ser regañado o incriminado.  Enseñéle a que debe reportar este tipo de incidentes a un adulto en el que el o ella confíe, que no se deje intimidar por amenazas, no es bueno guardar este tipo de secretos con la persona que le esta hacienda daño.

Si usted tiene preguntas, acerca de su niño o niña, por favor llámenos al: (540) 371-5502.  Si es una emergencia llame al 911, o puede llamar a nuestra línea de ayuda directa al:

(540) 371-1666.

 

Concilio Rappahannock Contra el Asalto Sexual,

Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault, RCASA

2601 Princess Anne Street, Suite 102 ● Fredericksburg, Virginia 22401

Consejería/Administración de Casos: (540) 371-5502

Línea de ayuda directa: (540) 371-1666

Oficina: (540) 371-6771 ● Facsímile: (540) 371-9803

Página Electrónica: www.rcasa.org


En RCASA nos dedicamos a cuidar, a apoyar y a ayudar a las personas, víctimas de violencia sexual y abuso, a recuperarse.  Les ofrecemos un ambiente saludable y seguro para que así puedan expresar sus sentimientos  para ser mejor entendidos por sus familiares y las personas cercanas que los rodean.  Tratamos de facilitarles el acceso a diferentes programas de apoyo,  como lo son: el acompañamiento al hospital a través de un exámen forense despúes de un asalto sexual, la administración de casos, remisiones legales, acompañamiento al tribunal, servicios terapeúticos, y una serie de otros programas de prevención, educación y alcance comunitario.

Podemos ofrecer talleres de información a diferentes grupos sin importar la edad, el género, o la orientación sexual que ellos tengan. 

Podemos trabajar con las escuelas con grupos de alumnos de diferentes grados escolares, incluyendo alumnos de Inglés como Segundo idioma, en temas de relaciones saludables, de saber distinguir entre toques afectivos saludables y no saludables o de saber cuidarse cuando recién empiezan a salir con alguien.

Si necesitan información, pueden llamarnos al (540) 371-5502, y si desean pueden solicitar la llamada en español.

Recuerde que una violación sexual es una violación a sus derechos humanos.

RCASA es su CASA.

Follow us on Twitter          Read our Daily Blog       Attend Our Next Event     RCASA_Friends-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

CVC – 6417 and CFC – 78223 Designate RCASA and help us serve victims of sexual violence and sexual abuse

RCASA’s Saturday Prevention: Statutory Rape Awareness Program

In Advocacy, Education, Outreach, Prevention, Professional Training on August 28, 2010 at 8:00 am

Preventing sexual coercion and exploitation

Understanding the dynamics of sexual exploitation, and recognizing risk factors and coercive techniques, are the first steps to preventing sexual exploitation. Education efforts need to be directed both to older teens, so they can understand the benefit of healthy, non-exploitive relationships, and to young teens, so they can learn to recognize coercive and grooming behaviors for what they are.

The Goal Of The Statutory Rape Awareness Program Is To:

  • ·Raise community awareness of the problem of statutory rape
  • ·Reduce the incidence of statutory rape
  • ·Educate parents and youth service professionals on topic of statutory rape
  • ·Educate youth about sexual coercion

Extent of the problem:

Between 2000 and 2005 there were 3,056 births to teens ages 14 and 15, 71% of information for father’s age was not reported, but where the father’s age was known, 63% of the cases could be estimated to be a felony at time of conception (Virginia Vital Records, birth data 2000-2005)

The Childhood Sexual Assault Victimization in Virginia Report (2004) found of the females and males reporting having non-forced sexual intercourse, 100% of those 12 and under, 85% of those age 13 and 14 and 83% of those age 15-17 would be classified as victims according to Virginia law.

Nationally, statutory rape affects 13% of females and 5% of males at first sex.

Learn more from an educational presentation by RCASA

Trainings use the “Sexual Coercion and Sexual Exploitation of Minor Teens (Statutory Rape) -curriculum module using a short 11 minute video titled – “Crossing the Line: when a sexual relationship is coerced.”

RCASA’s Friday Facts:10 Things Men and Boys Can Do to Stop Human Trafficking Part 1

In Education, Friday Facts, Prevention on August 27, 2010 at 8:00 am

Human trafficking is modern day slavery. It is the use of force, fraud, or coercion to compel another person to provide labor or commercial sex against their will, and it is one of the fastest growing criminal enterprises in the world.

The Renaissance Male Project believes that men are complicit in this crime when they purchase sex because they create the demand by allowing others to exploit women and children for profit. Men must play a role in ending this form of modern-day slavery, a vicious industry that exploits and perpetuates the suffering of hundreds of thousands of women and children in the United States and around the world.

The Polaris Project estimates that:

  • 27million are enslaved globally.
  • 14,500–17,500 individuals are brought into the U.S. as human trafficking victims each year.
  • 1 million children enter the global commercial sex trade every year.

There are specific actions that men and boys can take to end these atrocities:

1. Challenge the glamorization of pimps in our culture

Mainstream culture has popularized the image of a pimp to the point that some men and boys look up to them as if they represent legitimate male role models, and they view “pimping” as a normal expression of masculinity. As Carrie Baker reflects in “Jailing Girls for Men’s Crimes” in the Summer Ms. issue, the glorification of prostitution is often rewarded, not punished, in pop culture:

Reebok awarded a multi-million-dollar contract for two shoe lines to rapper 50 Cent, whose album “Get Rich or Die Tryin” (with the hit single “P.I.M.P.”) went platinum. Rapper Snoop Dogg, who showed up at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards with two women on dog leashes and who was described in the December 2006 cover of Rolling Stone as “America’s Most Lovable Pimp,” has received endorsement deals from Orbit gum and Chrysler.

In reality, pimps play a central role in human trafficking and routinely rape, beat and terrorize women and girls to keep them locked in prostitution. Men can take a stand against pimps and pimping by renouncing the pimp culture and the music that glorifies it.

2. Confront the belief that prostitution is a “victimless crime”

Many men view prostitution as a “victimless crime.” But it is not. For example, American women who are involved in prostitution are at a greater risk to be murdered than women in the general population. Research also shows that women involved in prostitution suffer tremendous physical and mental trauma. associated with their work. Viewing prostitution as a victimless crime or something that women “choose” allows men to ignore the fact that the average age of entry into prostitution in the U.S. is 12 to 14 and that the vast majority of women engaged in prostitution would like to get out but feel trapped. Men should stop viewing prostitution as a victimless crime and acknowledge the tremendous harm and suffering their participation in prostitution causes.

3. Stop patronizing strip clubs

When men think of human trafficking, they often think of brothels in countries outside of the U.S. However, strip clubs in this country as well as abroad may be a place where human trafficking victims go unnoticed or unidentified.  Strip clubs are also places of manufactured pleasure where strippers are routinely sexually harassed and assaulted by owners, patrons and security personnel. Men rarely consider whether women working in strip clubs are coerced into that line of work, because to do so would conflict with the pleasure of participating in commercialized sex venues.  Men can combat human trafficking by no longer patronizing strip clubs and by encouraging their friends and co-workers to do the same.

4. Don’t consume pornography

Pornography has the power to manipulate male sexuality, popularize unhealthy attitudes towards sex and sexuality and eroticize violence against women. Pornography leads men and boys to believe that certain sexual acts are normal, when in fact sexual acts that are non-consensual, offensive and coupled with violent intent result in the pain, suffering and humiliation of women and children. In addition, a disproportionate amount of mainstream pornography sexualizes younger women with such titles as “teens,” “barely 18,” “cheerleaders,” etc.  Targeting younger women socializes men to develop appetites for younger and younger women and creates a pedophiliac culture among men. Victims of human trafficking have also been forced into pornography. Men can stop the voyeurism of sex and sex acts that fuel human trafficking by refusing to consume pornography and encourage others to do the same.

5. Tackle male chauvinism and sexism online

Contrary to the myth that men do not gossip, men spend a significant amount of time online discussing their sexual exploits. The Internet provides many men with the ability to mask their identities while indulging in racist, sexist, and violent diatribes against women and girls. Choosing to be a critical voice online is an extremely important way to educate and inform men and boys about their choices. Men can change this culture by starting threads in online forums that cause men to talk about their attitudes towards women and how these attitudes and behaviors are linked to human trafficking.

RCASA’s Therapy Thursday: Therapy is…

In Education, Therapy on August 26, 2010 at 8:30 am

“I have learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”                          – Maya Angelou

Therapy is no longer that dirty word or the dark horse of the healthcare arena. Regular sessions with a mental health professional are proving to be as important to one’s overall health as regular visits to one’s primary care doctor. Therapy, while often thought of as that place one goes following a trauma or years of victimization to be  “healed and made whole again,” can be so much more. Therapy is tool that we can use to help enrich our lives through the personal growth and learning that develops based on an insightful journey nurtured by the counselor and guided by client. During this journey, strengths are empowered, challenges are addressed and overcome, skills are gained, and an alliance is built. Therapy can be a renewal, a resolve, or a reprieve depending on the concerns that one needs met. Therapy is not limited to the confines of mental illness or trauma. Choosing therapy as an option is a big step, one that takes tremendous courage and strength. The intimacy of disclosing our inner most thoughts and feelings to another human being can be intimidating and overwhelming. While therapy comes with no “silver lining” guarantee, therapy is a useful modality to help individuals overcome barriers and challenges presented by personal difficulties and in acquiring new skills, new behaviors, and new attitudes that will help them be more capable of solving problems on their own.

RCASA’s Wednesday Outreach: Upcoming Events (we’ll be there)

In Advocacy, Education, Outreach, Prevention on August 25, 2010 at 1:16 pm

BRAGG HILL COMMUNITY DAY-

Saturday August 28, 2010 9am-3pm

Bragg Hill Family Life Center, Fredericksburg, VA

This program is designed to provide community fellowship and pride and to welcome new faces to the Bragg Hill Community. The event consists of a prayer walk, remarks from local and/or state officials, food, gospel entertainment, access to local area health and community services, and entertainment for youth (including …horse rides, amusement games, face painting, etc.). Also, the BHFLC Basketball Tournament Championship game is held on this day. Local health and community service groups, along with church organizations offer information and services. Made possible through a partnership with Mary Washington Hospital Auxiliary’s Mobile Health Clinic, area churches, and social services groups.

Fredericksburg Pride Festival

Saturday August 28, 2010 12-7pm
River Front Park, Fredericksburg, VA

Free entertainment, and food; many vendors. Fun for all ages!

RCASA’s Tuesday Affirmation: Affirming the Good

In Education on August 24, 2010 at 8:00 am

Wait, and expect good things- from yourself and your loved ones.

When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best the universe has to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.

See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.

Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, and all you will become.

Wait, and expect good things.

Eventos legales informativos

In Advocacy, Hispanic/Latino on August 23, 2010 at 9:00 am

El mes de Septiembre es un mes muy activo para la Comunidad Latina.  A nivel nacional celebramos lo que en español Univision llama: ” El Mes de la Hispanidad” o lo que en Inglés es: “Hispanic Heritage Month”.  Es el mes en donde muchos hispanos son reconocidos por magníficas obras realizadas.  Este mes es donde muchos de nosotros acentuamos el orgullo de ser hispanos, una cultura muy diversa y muy rica en sabiduría.

Aquí en este mes es donde aprovechamos a celebrar muchos eventos festivos (Festivales Latinos) y eventos de prevención, de educación y de información para nuestra comunidad.

Nosotros aquí en El Concilio Rappahannock Contra el Asalto Sexual – Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault, RCASA estamos preparando un evento muy especial en nuestra biblioteca local en el centro de la ciudad de Fredericksburg el día Sábado 18 de Septiembre del 2010 de 10:00 a.m. a 12:00 p.m. – “Rompa las barreras – REPORTE”.  Pare esto contaremos con la presencia de un abogado de Inmigración, la abogada Claudia Flower, quién nos hablará de temas migratorios relacionados con la violencia sexual.  Para llamar a la abogada Flower con cualquier consulta de inmigración, usted puede marcar el: (703) 518-4458.

Su oficina esta localizada en:

3137 Mt. Vernon Ave.

Alexandria, VA 22305

Correo electrónico: Claudiaflower@verizon.net

Esperamos también contar con la presencia de otras dos agencias del área en este día.

La dirección de la biblioteca es:

Rappahannock Regional Library Headquarters

1201 Caroline Street

Fredericksburg, Virginia 22401

Ph: (540) 372-1144

Celebrando el mes de la Hispanidad, planeamos estar presentes en algunos eventos de la comunidad patrocinados por otras agencias.

Uno de ellos, es una Feria Legal gratuita, con los consulados móviles de México, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras y Colombia, patrocinado por SINOVA (Spanish Information Network of Virginia) (540) 361-2117, www.sinovainfo.org, que se llevará a cabo el Sábado, 11 de Septiembre de 09:00 a.m. a 04:00 p.m. en:

Holy Cross Academy

250 Stafford Lakes Parkway

Fredericksburg, Virginia 22406

Los siguientes son algunos de los requisitos que se tienen que cumplir para tramitar sus documentos a través de la embajada de México. (Por favor abrir los documentos adjuntos):

Consulado Móvil de México 08 17 10

Consulado Móvil de México 2da parte

Les trataremos de seguir informando de más eventos en nuestra comunidad a través de este medio, nos pueden encontrar los Lunes despúes de las 09:00 a.m. en www.rcasa.org

En RCASA nos dedicamos a cuidar, a apoyar y a ayudar a las personas, víctimas de violencia sexual y abuso, a recuperarse.  Les ofrecemos un ambiente saludable y seguro para que así puedan expresar sus sentimientos  para ser mejor entendidos por sus familiares y las personas cercanas que los rodean.  Tratamos de facilitarles el acceso a diferentes programas de apoyo,  como lo son: el acompañamiento al hospital a través de un exámen forensico seguido de un asalto sexual, la administración de casos, remisiones legales, acompañamiento al tribunal, servicios terapeúticos, y una serie de otros programas de prevención, educación y alcance comunitario.

Podemos ofrecer talleres de información a diferentes grupos sin importar la edad, el género, o la orientación sexual que ellos tengan.

Podemos trabajar con las escuelas con grupos de alumnos de diferentes grados escolares, incluyendo alumnos de Inglés como Segundo idioma, en temas de relaciones saludables, de saber distinguir entre toques afectivos saludables y no saludables o de saber cuidarse cuando recién empiezan a salir con alguien.

Si necesitan información, pueden llamarnos al (540) 371-5502, y si desean pueden solicitar la llamada en español.

No olvide que una violación sexual es una violación a sus Derechos Humanos – Por favor REPORTE.

RCASA es SU CASA

Concilio Rappahannock Contra el Asalto Sexual –

Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault, RCASA

2601 Princess Anne Street, Suite 102 ● Fredericksburg, Virginia 22401

Consejería/Administración de Casos: (540) 371-5502

Línea de ayuda directa: (540) 371-1666

Oficina: (540) 371-6771 ● Facsímile: (540) 371-9803

Página Electrónica: www.rcasa.org

RCASA Case Management/Court Advocacy Sundays

In Advocacy, Case Management, Legal Advocacy on August 22, 2010 at 8:00 am

The history of legislation for protection against sexual predators is relatively new.  The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides the following information:

Sex-Offenders: History

Prior to 1994 few states required convicted sex offenders to register their addresses with local law enforcement. As recognition of the severity of this problem grew, Congress passed the Jacob Wetterling Crimes Against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Act, 42 U.S.C. §§14071, et seq. (“Wetterling Act”). This requires state implementation of a sex-offender registration program or a 10 percent forfeiture of federal funds for state and local law enforcement under the Byrne Grant Program of the U.S. Department of Justice. Today, all fifty states and Washington, D.C. have sex offender registries.

The realization registration alone was not enough came after the tragic murder of 7-year-old Megan Kanka by a released sex offender living on her street. The public outcry created a call for programs to provide the public with information regarding released sex offenders. In 1996 Congress passed a federal law mandating state community notification programs. Megan’s Law, section (e) of the Wetterling Act, requires all states to conduct community notification but does not set out specific forms and methods, other than requiring the creation of internet sites containing state sex-offender information. Beyond that requirement, states are given broad discretion in creating their own policies.
The Challenge

There are currently more than half a million registered sex offenders in the United States. Sex offenders pose an enormous challenge for policy makers: they evoke unparalleled fear among constituents; their offenses are associated with a great risk of psychological harm; and most of their victims are children and youth. As policy makers address the issue of sex offenders, they are confronted with some basic realities

  • Most sex offenders are not in prison, and those who are tend to serve limited sentences
  • Most sex offenders are largely unknown to people in the community
  • Sex offenders have a high risk of re-offending
  • While community supervision and oversight is widely recognized as essential, the system for providing such supervision is overwhelmed

Loopholes in Current State Programs

Despite states’ implementation of the Jacob Wetterling Act, the increased mobility of our society has led to “lost” sex offenders. The “lost” are those who fail to comply with registration duties yet remain undetected due to the inconsistencies among state laws, coupled with the burden faced by authorities to keep track of the increasing number of offenders.

The U.S. Congress recognized this problem and acted. The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was signed into law on July 27, 2006. This sweeping new law mandates specific registration requirements for sex offenders in all states. Once all the states come into compliance with the Adam Walsh Act, within three years, the disparities among the state registration laws will be eliminated and sex offenders will no longer be able to slip through the cracks in the system.

In addition, the Adam Walsh Act mandates that specified information about sex offenders must be released to the public. Each state must create a publicly-accessible and searchable website that provides consistent information about the offenders in its registry. This will create a better tool for the public in their efforts to protect themselves from sex offenders living in their communities.

It is critical that Sexual Assault Crisis Centers offer services that empower victims and their families.  Court Advocates must have an awareness of the current legislation to help educate victims.  While advocates should never provide legal advice, understanding legislative trends and encouraging victims and their families to obtain knowledge is just one level of good advocacy.  As a nation we must continue to explore and encourage victims and their families to become involved in legislative advocacy to make sure that their voices are heard.

RCASA’s Saturday Prevention: Setting Boundaries

In Advocacy, Education, Outreach, Prevention on August 21, 2010 at 8:00 am

The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves.  We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us.  A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves.  That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.

It is important to state our feelings out loud, and to precede the feeling with “I feel.”  (When we say “I am angry, I’m hurt, etc.” we are stating that the feeling is who we are.  Emotions do not define us, they are a form of internal communication that help us to understand ourselves.  They are a vital part of our being – as a component of the whole.)  This is owning the feeling.  It is important to do for ourselves.  By stating the feeling out loud we are affirming that we have a right to feelings.  We are affirming it to ourselves – and taking responsibility for owning ourselves and our reality.  Rather the other person can hear us and understand is not as important as hearing ourselves and understanding that we have a right to our feelings.  It is vitally important to own our own voice.  To own our right to speak up for ourselves.

Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation – although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate.  The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is:  when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome.

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly.  Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves.  It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves – to protect ourselves when it is necessary.

Setting boundaries is about learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what happens, where we go, or who we’re with.

  • Boundaries emerge from deep decisions about what we believe we deserve and don’t deserve.
  • Boundaries emerge from belief that what we want and need, like and dislike, is important.
  • Boundaries emerge from a deeper sense of our personal rights, especially the right we have to take care of ourselves and to be ourselves.
  • Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.

The goal of having and setting boundaries isn’t to build thick walls around ourselves. The purpose is to gain enough security and sense of self to get close to others without the threat of losing ourselves, smothering them, trespassing, or being invaded. Boundaries are the key to loving relationships.

When we have a sense of self, we’ll be able to experience closeness and intimacy. We’ll be able to love and to be loved.

Intimacy, play, and creativity require loss of control. Only when we have boundaries and know we can trust ourselves to enforce them and take care of ourselves, will we be able to let go enough to SOAR. These same activities help develop a sense of self, for it is through LOVE, PLAY, and CREATIVITY that we begin to understand who we are and become reassured we can trust ourselves. Having boundaries means having a self strong, NURTURED, HEALTHY and CONFIDENT enough to LET GO–and come back again INTACT.”

From the book: “Beyond Codependency” by Melody Beattie

EGO BOUNDARIES

“Ego boundary is the internal strength by which a person has an ego barrier to guard his inner space. This is the means the individual uses to screen and interpret the outside world. It is also the structure a person uses to cope with, and modulate his/her interactions with the world.”

From the book: “Bradshaw On The Family” by John Bradshaw

STRONG EGO BOUNDARIES

  • Trust       (Hope)
  • Autonomy    (Will Power)
  • Initiative  (Purpose)
  • Industry    (Competence)

The door knob is on the inside of the door which enables the setter of the boundaries to dictate access gained. This is a safe and appropriately protected reality where ego boundaries are concerned. A healthy functioning model.

WEAK EGO BOUNDARIES

  • Mistrust
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • Inferiority

The door knob is on the outside of the door which in essence gives others free access as they see fit. More or less open access to you with weak ego boundaries. Less safety than in the case of strong ego boundaries.

BROKEN EGO BOUNDARIES

  • Confusion
  • Helplessness
  • Powerlessness

When one has broken ego boundaries, or essentially no ego boundaries then one is like a house whose doors have no knobs. Essentially then there are no boundaries and there can be no sense of control or safety from inside or outside. This is a wide open and not so safe position to be in. It is from here enmeshment can easily occur and or the lines of individuation between self and others may quickly get blurred.

Setting boundaries and being comfortable voicing them is one of the best prevention strategies we can employ.

%d bloggers like this: